My future

I just came back from my super belated birthday celebration at Wild Honey with Jocelyn, Jingyan and Huihui! It's a nice meet up. I have been wishing for a good company for a long time. I like to do quiet reading in cafes but I kinda desire some human interaction. The people I met recently just aren't my type of people. I don't like to dominate every single conversations and all. I still prefer my good old groups of friends:)

Jocelyn brought her 1000D today! I am lazy to bring camera out lately but seeing how Jocelyn was using her camera, it kinda make me want to touch it again. I'll probably bring it out tomorrow even though my workplace is kinda hazardous. Too add a lil surprise to my life, I send my film to the photo developing shop! I hope they are okay this time round. I forgot what did I shot over the past 1 year. Yeah. I am sure I have the photos of my students at the student care where I work last summer holidays. It'll be a lovely surprise for my really dull life. I can't wait to collect it during lunch tomorrow even though I can't view the disc till I knock off. That's the best thing film cameras bring. A lil surprise here and then. I forgot what did I shot. I forgot if boyfriend is even in the photos. My previous roll of film failed cos I didn't insert it properly. I felt so sad then. I think this one will be fine:)

Huihui reminded me that tomorrow we'll probably know our results. It's like the official release of results. So I decided to check it up... So... I just checked our critical dates and it's true. Even though I kept telling myself that it is okay to not be a scholar, to not be a double degree student... it still hurts pretty bad. It's a pride thing. I have never fallen so deep and yet can't get back up again. I have never gotten such grades before. I am always one of the top. Even if I am not, I got back up. My J1 results was so so so terrible. I failed almost all my subjects? But I scored all As for A levels. I kept working hard and my hard work pays off. Now every semester I work harder and harder, I change my study methods but my improvement is ever so minute. I did better for most of my modules this semester but accounting modules just have to kill my grades. Every single semester, accounting modules are the ones pulling my grades down. Remind me again. Why did I even choose accountancy? My double degree is definitely gone. I'll call up the school to ask about my major. I am feeling a lil panicky now. I have made some plans... I just can't imagine how much lower can my GPA be. So I'll be in debts soon. Just like a normal student. At the end of year 4, will I just be someone with a 3rd class honours or even lower than that but with working experience? $40k of school fees for a lousy cert? Is that worth it? Should I just minimize the damage and start working now while doing a part time degree? I planned to do 2 more internships so 3 in total. But is that enough? What will my life be like? After reading One Day, it pretty kept me thinking about my future. It's not too far... 2 more years of university life, 4 more semesters of hell... If I did persevere through the 2 more years, what kind of job will I be getting? But of course it's a whole different thing in One Day. Both of the main characters graduated but don't know what they want to do next. I am nowhere near graduation. They job hop while wishing that they will find a something they love or work hard to achieve their dreams. I can't stand it anymore so I decided to heed my profs' advice to not care about the scholarship and just give in my best. Yeah. I pretty much broke down a few times while consulting my profs or just talking to some profs.

"You want to do well in your studies as a student, you want to do well as a scholar... but so do every single student. So why are you giving yourself so much stress? It's not worth it. If having a scholarship makes you so miserable and stressed up, throw it away. Ignore it..." 


Yeah. One of my profs said that to me and he kept repeating it. I am sad cos losing it hurts my pride. I have been trying so hard for 3 semesters to make things right. But it didn't get much better. 3 strikes. 1 more and that's it. If there's really nothing I can do to make my grades better, I would rather quit school and work. I am serious. I don't want to waste the time and money on a useless cert. How? I really don't know what to do now.



I have so much to blog about initially but thinking of my results... I am just not in the mood anymore. This semester is so critical. Everything seems good until you receive your component grades for accountancy modules.