Feeling a little down, lonely and confused.

Just read about this Alvin-Yuki-ZR saga that Jasmine shared with me during work and can't stop crying. It's so sad:'(

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Alvin-Yuki/253711181424186?ref=ts&fref=ts

Maybe I am too free during work, too free during weekends, too much free time nowadays and I just can't stop thinking about a lot of things. Alvin showed me the article on the 'Runaway brides' on Yahoo news lately to ask me to think about the BTO again and whether I am sure that he's the one before we submit our names. It will really be a mess and a huge financial loss to both of us if we decide not to get married in the end. Well, I am quite sure that we are good. Alvin is really very nice to me even though he can be too arrogant and short-tempered sometimes. Out of curiosity, I asked some of my friends who are in a stable r/s about the article too. Most of them read the article and none of them are BTO-ing. Come to think of it, I think 5 years later we will be able to afford a resale flat with our planned career route. Then again, no harm trying for it now too. We might not get it anyway. It will be really sad if something like the Alvin-Yuki case happens:/ I think when a couple is in a r/s for too long, they might really get bored of each other, especially when the guy is super boring and complacent. Just imagine all your weekends will be spent at your bf's house watching tv the entire day or just nap away as he is too tired from his job and all for 7 years (just quoting an example). I am the kind of girl that likes the boyfriend to make the first move. I love surprises. I love it when someone makes day-to-day decisions for me on minor issues. I think I made enough decisions when I am back at home since I am the eldest child and my mum gets really worried and scared when she has to make a decision. I made decisions on  my own since primary school days. From my first tuition class till now. Initially the boyfriend just doesn't get that. He doesn't get that I am really easy on what to eat. Just anything without bean sprouts, not too fattening and spicy is good for me. He always force me to make these kind of decisions. We never argued at all until he left for exchange and when I can't feel his presence anymore. But he is so different now. He really put in effort to ask me out and decide on the locations fast. I am really thankful for that.

Due to the off peak period, I am really very free in the office. Even when the atmosphere in the office start getting more and more tense after the new year's holidays, I am still left with minimal mundane work in the office. After observing the staff and talking to some of them. I began having doubts of what I want to do in future. Can I find joy in this line of work? I try to imagine myself in 3 years time, working there. I don't think I'll be happy. I think I'll spend everyday praying to be assigned some good assignments so that I don't have to OT till the am. I'll really wish my online store could take off so that I will have something to look forward to after work, something to look forward to during weekends then. That'll be my only joy. I don't really know what I want to do in future. But kudos to those who decide not to go with the mainstream and pursue their own dreams.




Hmm... I have yet to research on any schools for exchange applications. The application period is open, the list of available universities is out but after learning that I couldn't go to my dream destination. I became confused as to whether I should even go. Sighs. But it'll be worth a try anyway. Due to the previous rejection of their offer, I don't think I gave a high chance of going too...