70%

Cried a lil to sleep last night. Probably still a lil disappointed with my family(even though that's the expected reaction - 'Oh...') and at the same time with myself. I will never blame others nor my luck when something happens. Reflect reflect. I feel that it's only right for me to reflect on myself. I never depends on luck or anything. Doubt I am ever considered lucky. I believe more in hard work and myself. Oh well. I hate my indecisiveness in this matter when I chose to apply for it myself. Of course I want to go on an exchange in Europe. I can't really put what is actually holding me back. Maybe I should consider all my 5 choices carefully. I need to be more prepared. I need a more comprehensive plan regarding this matter. Once again, I should take responsibility for my own actions. Hmms. Deep inside me... Really really deep inside... I wish I could rely on my family. Listen to their take on this. But just like always, they are often more interested in other stuff than this. It has always been. I make decisions for myself since secondary school. But maybe when I feel lost and confused, I still wish to have someone who can guide me.

Didn't sleep well last night and ended up feeling so listless and tired in all my lessons today. Friday should be the best day out of my school days cos of all the good professors. I should have slept early last night. Hmms. FT is better than expected. Finance too. But today finance prof just went through all the stuff we learnt during BGS and TWC. I dozed off and before I knew it, was a nudge by Huihui and
"......stockkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk"
on my laptop screen. Maybe more ks. Later on, it followed by es and spaces. I don't know how many times did I doze off during the lesson. It's such a pity! My supposedly 100% concentration in class totally dropped to 70% today:( It'll be different next week. Printed more FRSs to prepare for next lesson. Since it's the most dreading thing, I guess I should start with it first.

Huihui and I went to Vivace and signed up for some CCAs. Haha. In our formal wear and everything. Some random guy from one of the sports booth was like "they must be from FT" -____________________-

Had lunch with Huihui at like 4? That'll be our lives for the entire semester I guess. Called the Registrar while waiting for the food. Guess I'll not accept the offer after listening to their answer. It's just an enquiry. I didn't plan to fight for anything.

Got emotional on the way home again. Fancy crying sliently when some random army guy standing opposite me was staring at me throughout. Embarrassing much. He must thought that I am crazy. I'll be fine. I'll be fine. I made the decision right? The registrar shall be the main deciding point. Maintaining my double degree is more important. So much struggle. I wonder why I ever got myself into this mess. I'll apply next year. I will try... Again. Probably with lesser passion? But there's nothing much I can do. Just pray that I will be considered on equal standing with the rest of the applicants again. So much trouble. So much confusion.

I don't dwell on past success. My past results just doesn't reflect my achievements following that. I am not smart. Talking about my A level results just makes me feel ashamed of myself now.


This should be a happy piece of news. I wonder how this matter becomes such a pain. Guess more crying will eventually allow me to feel better.