Just as I was back on tumblr and wanted to sit down quietly to blog this afternoon after finishing reading the FRS for week 1, I received my exchange results- Jonkoping International Business School.
'What?!'
I totally forgot that I applied for it. Technically speaking I didn't. It's my 4th choice! What are the chances of getting the 4th choice? I thought it'll either be one of my first 3 choices or downright rejection. I was really torn then. I don't know what to feel. I am happy cos I get to go on an exchange. Sweden! Europe!!! I have always wanted to go on an exchange to Europe. Just anywhere in Europe will be good. But then again. I am sad. I couldn't get into ESADE. I couldn't get into the same university as Alvin. What should I do? Should I accept it?
Hmms. At first I am more inclined towards accepting the offer even though I couldn't go on an exchange with Alvin. At least I won't be left alone in Singapore while he is away for 4-6 months. Spain and Sweden is just a 3.5hrs flight away. No time difference and at least we are in the same continent. I can have my international exchange experience and enjoy my time there while love gets to do what he always wanted to too. I totally fell in love with Europe after my trip to UK during J1. I would really love to visit other parts of Europe. Spending 1 whole semester there! Can it be get even better than this? &&I don't have to be apart with Alvin for a year. I'll apply for Y3T1 exchange if I didn't get to go in Y2T2. He is doing Y2T2. Y2T2-Y3T1. That's an entire year. OMGOMGOMG. I totally can't imagine it. A YEAR. How awful is that going to be?
Then again, many things will be at stake if I choose to go... The main thing will be the continuation of my double degree. There will be a review of my cumulative GPA at the end of year 2. It's impossible to pull up my cumulative GPA to meet the requirements in a semester. If I am going for exchange, I'll S/U all the modules I am taking there in term 2. No effects to my GPA at all. For this, I'll have to consult the office tomorrow. Guess that'll be the determining factor of my final decision.
After receiving that email. I was totally in a mess. I wasn't 100% sure how the whole exchange thing works. How can an ignorant person like me even dare to apply for it in the first place? I felt damn irritated with myself. But of course things will work out somehow when I start to make effort to familiar myself with it. 4th choice? Who would have thought of getting his or her 4th choice? I was alone when I read that email. How I wish I have someone whom I can speak to. I felt so lost, indecisive, uncertain yet at the same time a lil excited. I am so so so confused. I called love straight after I got home from meeting. Ah. Guess he misinterpreted my phone call to be an SOS signal to decide if I should go for this. I mean ya... I need help in this but I really wanna talk. Called my aunt. Managed to calm down a bit more.
I felt useless when the first thought that comes to my mind when I read that acceptance email was Alvin. I knw he never like me to base my decision on him. I shouldn't do anything BECAUSE of him. I tried not to. But yah... It's hard to not do that. It comes so naturally that no matter how much I want to shut my mind off such thoughts, they just kept popping out in my brain. I am supposed to be strong and independent. Sensible as least. But I just can't help it. *takes in a deep breath* I guess I just got to be strong(pretence can eventually makes it real) and live with it. It's gonna be hard. Really hard. Most probably... I'll reject the offer for now. I guess the Registrar won't be so kind to review my results after Y3T1 if I go for exchange during Y2T2. So... 1 year... I won't die because of this. Probably just pretend that nothing has happened and try to live my days properly. I'll be fine. God has plans for everyone of us. I need to keep my faith. God never failed me.
Staring at my ironed formal wear prepared by mum. Guess I'll still have to catch a wink before getting ready for FT class later.
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