I am not joking

"Are we okay? Do you think we are doing fine?"

I think I am always the one who feels unhappy.. I am always the one who feels that there's a problem with us. You never did feel that anything was wrong. Forget about all the issues about your 1 word replies. I got over that. I know you are busy. I should have been understanding but it's just irritating. I prefer to receive a text explaining that you are busy and you couldn't talk. Maybe what I said wasn't interesting enough. I stop bothering you with the tiniest stuff in my life that you used to be interested in. I felt so stupid talking to myself and I hate that. Last night you were the one asking me questions and all I get was a one word reply again. It's so sad. I feel so pathetic waiting for all those shit. It's so hurting. Whatever I mentioned on my blog are true. It's all what I felt. I cried blogging when I blogged about those kinda things that seems so dramatic, I felt so sad so I churned out all those blogposts. I am not good at sharing all my feelings with friends around me. I prefer to type/write them out than talking about it. I only know how to jokingly bring them across if friends asked me about it and my blogposts seem so fake. All I can said is... This blog holds the truth more than anything else with discretion as usual. I just don't know how to bring it across verbally. This is just me. I am not happy at all. Many friends think I am lucky but why I can't feel a least bit of happiness? You aren't serious in listening to me so I stopped trying to talk to you. I hate feeling like this. So unimportant. Whatever I said seems so childish and meaningless. I told myself not to bother texting you unless I have something important to say. I stopped texting you randomly. I stopped. You are the one who was asking something last night which I deemed as a serious question but all I got was flamboyant replies. What am I supposed to feel about that? I hate acting like a fool crying my lungs out and churn a whole lot of stuff on Whatsapp. Why am I making myself so miserable? I was getting fine the past few days. This is affecting my mood so much. I need to prepare for my tax lesson later today. This is slowing down my progress so much.


My grandma thought my eyes are so puffy cos I stayed up late doing revision last night and she wanted to make me coffee just now. Oh well.. Half of it is true. I slept at 2am after listening to tax recording(which I didn't finish).


Got to prepare to go out soon. I just realised that I still have 1 hour of recording that I have yet to finish listening to. Why is my life so screwed? Trying to keep myself busy but everything still turns out this way. So much for my effort to lead my own life over again.