There can be worse times

With no make up and no edits. Instagram is love<3

I had a good tuition this morning even though I had to travel from Boon Lay to amk cos I volunteered to keep boyfriend's mum company last night and to do my work of course. Big Bang and FIIM notes kept me company during the whole ride to the econs boy's house. It's the best session so far. We went through macroeconomics aims today and I just kept going on and on with examples and the latest financial news and financial instruments. It's so enjoyable and I am awe about how well read the student is and he is very eager to learn so we had a pretty insightful discussion too. So happy. I am so glad to be able to teach econs! I have always wanted to take up econs tuition and I didn't know it really feels so good teaching it. One of my favourite subjects ever^^ All thanks to Chmel really.

Today could be one of the worst day of my life but there could be worst. As in, I am not exactly feeling that happy recently, troubled by things, trying to think through things(not just academically) and try to stay positive and take anything as they come. I should start to think for myself. I really should though it feels kinda weird. More of a neutral situation going on in my head. Nothing can be as bad as my confused mind.

So... After tuition, I rushed back to school for my much dreaded Marketing meeting. I am hoping to take a break this week after the past few weeks of hell. [Content removed to prevent haters. In short, only 2 out of 6 of us turn up for the meeting.]

FIIM Project is so tedious. I actually have to churn out 16 pages worth of information cos Eurekahedge's file is secured. Then, Brien emailed me to say that I cannot screenshot all the graphs, tables and charts so I had to recreate every single one of them. I was falling asleep last night while typing out all the 16 pages. Hopefully I did't key in any funny things cos I was kinda dreaming by then:O Just done with all the charts on excel and tables in the document itself. *Give myself a pat on the back* Brien is a nice groupmate. Oh and that brings me to the Tax group with Huihui and Kyne. I am so glad to have them too. Our team dynamics were probably built up from last semester's corp project but I really enjoy our meetings. The seemingly quiet and smart Mr K actually knows how to joke around! He actually tried to show us some magic tricks during our Oovoo meeting. It really cracks me up even though I have no idea what he is doing. So glad to have him as my colleague for the 15 weeks coming up!^^ Huihui is always nice to work with^^

Tax lesson yesterday is tedious. Company tax is so so so confusing. I was dead by 2.30pm but prof had to go on. My mind hasn't been so saturated in a long time. I was better prepared for yesterday's lesson. I am grateful to Chor Miang too. Even though we barely speak to each other in class, he often whisper answers from the back when prof calls me to answer some question but I cannot answer them. I love tax lessons by Prof Khoo. He's really kind and patient. I never regretted bidding for him when everyone is rushing to bid for Prof Sum. We'll meet Prof Sum one day though.

I guess all of you have seen the boyfriend's post on Facebook. I don't know what to say about that. I felt uneasy when the boyfriend said he was going to travel Eastern Europe alone for the entire week. It's so dangerous. He told me not to tell his parents that he was going alone. At first, it includes not telling them that he is skipping school to go away too. But I told him to inform them cos I really don't know how should I answer them when he don't reply their Whatsapp messages and it's a school week so he did told them that he won't be in Barcelona for a week. Boyfriend's parents kept questioning me about who he is going with but I told them I wasn't sure. The boyfriend spill the beans himself on social media afterwards as always. I know something bound to happen but I guess that is probably a good adventure and experience for him. That will help in his cover letter and interviews somehow in the future. I guess that's what Prof Seow meant when he said that exchange is important in job application. I don't know what should I comment about that but I think the boyfriend will actually find it a good experience. I couldn't entirely share his sentiment on this but I understand the practicality of it. I guess that's the price to pay for being an adventurous boy's girlfriend.

The thing about long distance relationship, specifically to the message Beng tagged me which is also the same one I saw on Angelina's blog... I am not exactly against LDR as it's inevitable in this day and age. There's such a great mobility of labour. We bound to have opportunities to work overseas in the future. We can never run away from it. When you are forced into the situation, you'll just have to live with it. I won't deliberately put myself in it anymore just like before when I was so stubborn about it. I hate it actually. Seriously hate it. It isn't about the issue of patience. My friend actually said I am impatient. I just couldn't wait for the boyfriend to come back. That isn't entirely true. I just don't like half communicated messages. I don't like how the other half just don't seems to understand whatever you said. I finally understand how some friends are feeling when they were away for a long time. Some of my girlfriends actually stop contacting their boyfriends towards the end. Nothing at all. They got sick of each other being so uninterested in each other's life in different continents, they got sick of arguing, the one overseas realised that the world is really big, she wants to see the world and the boyfriend may not be the right one. It's a different feeling that one is experiencing when you are the one staying behind. It's so difficult to be interested. It's so difficult to be understood. It's so difficult to seek some comfort from the hectic life in front of you. Everything is so difficult. I bear unhealthy thoughts pretty often and that's because I always look at the worst scenarios and prepare myself for the worst in every aspect of my life. I am confident enough to say that I have nursed enough heartbreaks to prepare for another, I have been through many failures to be in one again, I have tried all sorts of things to make myself to feel in control and have high threshold for pain. Looking back, I am pretty much a troubled teen but yeah.. I have been through enough. Anything can happen. Just like what happened to my friend who went overseas without her boyfriend of many years. I have experienced worst things in life.  Unhealthy thoughts pop up every now and then when I felt so alone. I might actually get used to being on my own again. I might get used not having someone I can share everything with... Okay. These are unhealthy thoughts again. See... This are all the lousy thoughts you'll be facing if communication is scarce especially in this well-connected world. I don't like it a least bit. The boy admit that he is lousy at it too. I guess we just have to bear with it a lil longer...

I wonder if you hurt like me #nowplaying